before i die

i wrote a list of things to do before i die,

these are them.

1. 
   
   go back to Cambodia


2. 
   
   discover God's purpose for my life


3. 
   
   get baptized


4. 
   
   raise a family


5. 
   
   learn to properly ride a horse


6. 
   
   live in England for a year


7. 
   
   see as many places as possible


8. 
   
   swim with sharks


9. 
   
   get married


10. 
    
    go on a roadtrip


11. 
    
    sleep on a beach


12. 
    
    get a tattoo


13. 
    
    run away


14. 
    
    be in two places at once


15. 
    
    ski in canada


16. 
    
    ice skate in central park


17. 
    
    work with animals


18. 
    
    ride a camel


19. 
    
    own a spiral staircase


20. 
    
    own a kombi van


21. 
    
    fly


22. 
    
    learn to speak another language


23. 
    
    go to a drive in


24. 
    
    watch the sun set


25. 
    
    live on a farm


26. 
    
    see an English soccer game live


27. 
    
    work with kids


28. 
    
    work as a flight attendant

there may be more to add as life goes on

so i'll just update every now and then,

also as i experience more in life

the list will get shorter as i slowly cross things off,

it shall be a journey,

come, walk with me.

a dream

i'm a simple girl

just give me lots of land near the beach

horses to ride all day

two or three dogs

one cat

and a family to raise there.

letting go

you know those situations when all you want to do is go back ... back to where it all began and start over. well i do.

year nine, 4th term, second last week.

i remember the moment he told me he missed me, the moment he told me he liked me, and the moment i screwed it all up.

i would give so much to go back to that day, to do things differently, to do things properly. i had the most amazing guy, christian, kind, sensetive, loving, and fun. but my fear of letting people know me, i mean really know me, screwed it all up. i was terrified. the past three years should have been different ... i had so much to learn from him and i threw it all away. i treated him like crap and he didn't deserve that.

i would do things differently, change the way i acted.

my secret; i miss him.

i wont start anything with anyone because i'm scared i'll screw things up.

i've suppressed these feelings because i know what's best and that is that he moves on, that i let him move on, that we remain just friends.

i want him in my life and if all that is is friends, then i wouldn't have it any other way.

he's moving on, and i'm so happy.

to the girl who has won his affection i must say, he's amazing.

hold on tight, don't let him go.

treat him how he deserves to be treated.

don't screw things up.

so now i tell you ...

this is my secret;

i'm letting go.