inner workings of a complex mind.

i wrote this a few years ago but it's amazing how some things can apply no matter where you are in life and no matter what struggles you've faced.

'Okay so all my life I've know God. I've known who he is and what he's done, and I've always believed it. But how can you suddenly wake up everyday feeling like no matter how hard you try, nothing changes, you still can't seem to live your life according to his word. I mean you try, but everything you do and every instense spiritual moment seems to fade away, and it's like all those extraordinary significant moments become normal everyday moments. That feeling of deep connection with God you had throughout your childhood becomes a blur. What do you do when you become so used to that blur that you stop noticing God, you slowly stop journaling and you start focusing on other things. You feel so distant from god that you feel like your life has no meaning, and you feel your heart slowly breaking. When this happens, what are you meant to do, do you ignore it, continue following down that same path because you feels so lost, so off track that you think it's impossible to find that right path again, or do you fight, cut down every branch in your way until you find that path again, that path that leads to God, but this time when you get there you're going to hold on for dear life. You're not going to be led off track by things of this world, because the things of this world can't offer you what God can. When you cry, he cries with you, when you have no strength and feel like you can't go on, he carries you til you're ready. And when you feel like you're all alone, he grabs hold of you and whisers "I'm here". He fights for you, because he believe you're worth the fight. Now will you fight for him. He is worth the fight. I will fight!'