before i die

i wrote a list of things to do before i die,

these are them.

1. 
   
   go back to Cambodia


2. 
   
   discover God's purpose for my life


3. 
   
   get baptized


4. 
   
   raise a family


5. 
   
   learn to properly ride a horse


6. 
   
   live in England for a year


7. 
   
   see as many places as possible


8. 
   
   swim with sharks


9. 
   
   get married


10. 
    
    go on a roadtrip


11. 
    
    sleep on a beach


12. 
    
    get a tattoo


13. 
    
    run away


14. 
    
    be in two places at once


15. 
    
    ski in canada


16. 
    
    ice skate in central park


17. 
    
    work with animals


18. 
    
    ride a camel


19. 
    
    own a spiral staircase


20. 
    
    own a kombi van


21. 
    
    fly


22. 
    
    learn to speak another language


23. 
    
    go to a drive in


24. 
    
    watch the sun set


25. 
    
    live on a farm


26. 
    
    see an English soccer game live


27. 
    
    work with kids


28. 
    
    work as a flight attendant

there may be more to add as life goes on

so i'll just update every now and then,

also as i experience more in life

the list will get shorter as i slowly cross things off,

it shall be a journey,

come, walk with me.

a dream

i'm a simple girl

just give me lots of land near the beach

horses to ride all day

two or three dogs

one cat

and a family to raise there.

letting go

you know those situations when all you want to do is go back ... back to where it all began and start over. well i do.

year nine, 4th term, second last week.

i remember the moment he told me he missed me, the moment he told me he liked me, and the moment i screwed it all up.

i would give so much to go back to that day, to do things differently, to do things properly. i had the most amazing guy, christian, kind, sensetive, loving, and fun. but my fear of letting people know me, i mean really know me, screwed it all up. i was terrified. the past three years should have been different ... i had so much to learn from him and i threw it all away. i treated him like crap and he didn't deserve that.

i would do things differently, change the way i acted.

my secret; i miss him.

i wont start anything with anyone because i'm scared i'll screw things up.

i've suppressed these feelings because i know what's best and that is that he moves on, that i let him move on, that we remain just friends.

i want him in my life and if all that is is friends, then i wouldn't have it any other way.

he's moving on, and i'm so happy.

to the girl who has won his affection i must say, he's amazing.

hold on tight, don't let him go.

treat him how he deserves to be treated.

don't screw things up.

so now i tell you ...

this is my secret;

i'm letting go.

possible tattoos.

in christ alone

here in the power of christ i stand

here in the death of christ i live

no fear

never alone

for you are with me

amazing grace

atonement

faith

the hour i first believed

thoughts????

any add ons????

how is it that one man

could say so little

that means so much.

this is my father's world,

and to my listening ears,

all nature sings,

and round me rings,

the music of the spheres.

this is my father's world,

i rest me in the thought,

of rocks and trees,

of skies and seas,

his hand the wonders wrought.

this is my father's world,

the birds their carols raise,

the morning light,

the lily white,

declare their maker's praise.

this is my father's world,

he shines in all thats fair,

in the rustling grass,

i hear him pass,

he speaks to me everywhere.

this is my father's world,

o let me ne'er forget,

that though the wrong

seems often so strong,

God is the ruler yet.

this is my father's world,

why should my heart be sad?

the lord is king,

let the heavens ring,

God reigns,

let the earth be glad.

a festival never to be forgotten.

groovin the moo;

first festival.

can't wait :)

thank you thank you thank you kathryn.

jessica ruth rose meacham.

this girl has no idea just how much she means to me.
for a few months there we had our weekly hangouts.
these would take place on a tuesday night at cronulla gloria jeans.
i miss it.
i have had many immture struggles, but struggles none the less,
and this girl was there to give me advice.
she told me the honest truth and knew that i could take it.
i still keep her words in the back of my mind,
and even though she doesn't know it she's still keeping me accountable.
it took me a while to get there but i can now say that i've left my mistakes behind, and intend on moving forward with god and my friends as my guidence and strength.
i wish to go back to the days of hot chocolates and banana bread.
and words never to be forgotten.
she is an inspiration in my walk with god and i thank her for her honesty
and faith that i would get there.


i love you jessica meacham.

breaking point.

what do you do when you find yourself stuck.
stuck in a place, well you don't really know where it is.
a place where you thought you'd finally found yourself.
i mean to an extent you did.
but now the things you thought were never gonna change,
those things that you had figured out from the start,
they're the things that are suddenly so cloudy, so uncertain.
you tell someone that you love, something you think they should hear,
and they don't want to hear it,
they say you're losing them,
and you can feel it, you can feel the distance growing,
and all of a sudden, everything crumbles,
all the strength you had built and stored up, gone in a heart beat.
you feel like all the things that mean so much to you are just out of reach,
or like you had a hold of them,
but as they crumbled they just slipped through your fingers,
and now there's nothing solid to hold onto.
you can't do a thing about it.
and you start thinking whether you're meant to hold on.
maybe its time to let go,
maybe it couldn't get any better than it had so it's time to let go.
but you can't let go, it hurts too much.
or maybe you're meant to fight,
but you don't have the strength to fight anymore,
you've worn yourself down so much trying to be there for everyone else,
that you have no energy left,
all you want to do is collapse,
let God carry you.
you're at the point where all you can do is cry,
but there's no one to cry to.
just God, and just this one time you wish his arms were material,
so that just this once you could feel his embrace, and hug him back,
and just let go of everything and rest.
cause you need rest.

inner workings of a complex mind.

i wrote this a few years ago but it's amazing how some things can apply no matter where you are in life and no matter what struggles you've faced.

'Okay so all my life I've know God. I've known who he is and what he's done, and I've always believed it. But how can you suddenly wake up everyday feeling like no matter how hard you try, nothing changes, you still can't seem to live your life according to his word. I mean you try, but everything you do and every instense spiritual moment seems to fade away, and it's like all those extraordinary significant moments become normal everyday moments. That feeling of deep connection with God you had throughout your childhood becomes a blur. What do you do when you become so used to that blur that you stop noticing God, you slowly stop journaling and you start focusing on other things. You feel so distant from god that you feel like your life has no meaning, and you feel your heart slowly breaking. When this happens, what are you meant to do, do you ignore it, continue following down that same path because you feels so lost, so off track that you think it's impossible to find that right path again, or do you fight, cut down every branch in your way until you find that path again, that path that leads to God, but this time when you get there you're going to hold on for dear life. You're not going to be led off track by things of this world, because the things of this world can't offer you what God can. When you cry, he cries with you, when you have no strength and feel like you can't go on, he carries you til you're ready. And when you feel like you're all alone, he grabs hold of you and whisers "I'm here". He fights for you, because he believe you're worth the fight. Now will you fight for him. He is worth the fight. I will fight!'

when the truth is just another lie.

assassins, mafia, and "i swear i'm a pleb".

happy 18th kathryn nelson.

jessica meacham, i love you too.

i miss our tuesday night d'n'm at gj's.

one of my best.

she really needs to learn to get changed.

this is my other best.

my two favourite jess'.

the women in my life.

scarlett johansson;

biggest babe.

zooey deschanel;

cute and quirky.

keira knightley;
drop dead gorgeous.

hayley williams;
hottest red head.

kaya scodelario;

dark and gorgeous.

the adventures of teddy and chuck.

great great movie.

gets your mind working.

so much better than i thought it would be.

funniest quote;

'baby, why are you all wet?'

yes yes we are childish.

i'm putting their chinese son through college.

i had sizzling beef and fried rice,

best dinner in ages.

'you want some fry rye??'

The things I'll always miss.

home away from home;

this place will always,

hold my heart,

if i had to choose,

we'd never part.

so many memories,

a laugh and a tear,

each year a clean slate,

no judgement held here.

its just so comforting,

when a place feels like home,

where nothing else matters,

and God's beauty is shown.

best friend of nine years;

olivia jane thomas,

there's things i must say,

it was hard to let go,

when you drifted away.

i wish for the days,

when everything was easy,

of ping pong and role play,

pretending to be sleasy.

i guess we just strolled,

along different paths,

i just have to remember

not to live in the past.

i'll still always be here,

just like the start,

because you mean the world to me,

and are still in my heart.

a second family;

we share a passion,

for the man up stairs,

you'll never be alone,

and everyone cares.

with people to admire,

and friends to keep,

i'll never forget this group,

for together we seek.

goobers;

these kids are special,

in more than one way,

they're a little mental,

but i miss them everyday.



we shared only a week,

in that study hall hell,

but at the end of our stay,

you could not tell.



we were inseparable,

eight peas in a pod,

determined to stay in touch,

our connection was God.



our connection remains,

no matter the place,

friends forever,

because of God's grace.

jindy beauty;

this place is like home,

a peace of mind,

holding beauty and silence,

to relax and unwind.

it holds a special place,

deep down inside,

forget all your worries,

just leave them behind.

its amazing the effect,

a view has on your day,

it changes your attitude,

and sends you on your way.

sarah maria dasilva davies.


first love.



none of us thought it was gonna end that way,

people are people and sometimes we change our minds,


but it was killing me to see you go after all that time.



never wanted that, never wanted to see you hurt,


every little bump in the road i tried to swerve,


people are people and sometimes it doesn't work out,


nothing we say was going to save us from the fall out.



hope you know it wasn't easy for me,


i'm sorry.







lisa moulten.



movie marathons

with early morning maccas runs.



schoolies.

school life.

film slr.

shari.

now that i have seen i am responsible.

meet missy.

This is my new sister,

her name is missy.

She's got no idea,

How strong she really is,

But underneath it all,

She's really just a kid.

She's gorgeous and amazing,

And beautiful at heart,

It's been a short 3 weeks,

But we clicked from the start.

The things we have in common,

There's countless i could say,

But our love for God will be the one,

That will make us closer each day.

For you my dear,

I am always here,

Whether happy and laughing,

Or sad and in fear.

I love you dear.

childhood love affair.

i should like to give you a kiss.

'to live would be an awfully big adventure.'

{This is a love affair that will last a lifetime,
I want to marry peter pan.
I want to fly away to neverland with him.
One day i will.}

kln.

on sunday the 14th of feburary,
i prepared for this valetines day,
a poem i wrote for katherine,
the words i had to say.





Since the beginning of time,
I've wished you were mine,
Now will you be my valentine?


Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I've loved you for years
But can you guess who?


You've always been there,
Never left me alone,
Our common ground,
Is this hole we call a home.


We learnt to run,
We learnt to fly,
And together we learnt,
The future's in our eyes.


I hope you picked up,
On the reference above,
Cause it's there our journey started,
And soon I fell in love.


Your family I consider,
To be that of my own,
For we met so young,
And together we've grown.


Through thick and thin,
We've had our laughs,
Shed a few tears,
But that's all in the past.


Now Canada or Mongolia,
I wouldn't stray that far,
For I'd never rather be anywhere,
Than right where you are.


I'm running out of rhymes,
For my intelligence is weak,
Just think of my lack of study,
If it's proof that you seek.


Have you figured it out yet?
It's not that hard,
Guess who I am,
I can't be far.


Now for my final words,
I would like to say,
That my love for you,
Grows more each day.


I'm so proud of you,
And I wish you well,
Kisses, hugs and love,
From ... I can not tell.

a little bit of liv.

she will lay in the rain

just to watch the lightening flash across the sky

she finds beauty in the smallest of things

she's fascinated by fire

the sky amazes her

her feelings are expressed through music

her language is that of laughter

you could say she's complicated

she's confusing even to herself

her family is more than she could have hoped for

and has the five bestest friends ever.

misguided.

What happens when you look in the mirror,

And don't recognise who you are,

How you stumbled upon this path,

and how you got this far?

My mistakes have made me lose myself,

I'm not who I used to be,

I've lost my passionate spirit,

And just miss being 'me'.

The seductive world of drinking,

Seemed to catch my eye,

The thing i'm most ashamed of,

I just had to say goodbye.

I miss being so driven,

Knowing where I wanted to go,

Being so close with God,

And knowing my faith would show.

I used to be that girl,

That always stood out from the crowd,

For being not of this world,

But it's call just got too loud.

I'm making my way back,

To the path God's wants for me,

To see what he has in store,

And find who i'm meant to be.

my best.

what can i say?

you are my world!